On A Personal Note

For those of you who don't know, we just found out in January that we were pregnant. We have been so ecstatic with the news and excited about the new addition to our family. Well a couple of weeks ago I experienced some unexpected bleeding and went immediately to the hospital for fear that there was something wrong with the baby. After running some tests, the doctor told us that my body wasn't producing progesterone (which is needed for fetal development) and that I would need to take supplements and be monitored for the next couple of weeks. We made an appointment the following week to do an ultrasound and after waiting for what seemed like an eternity we were beyond thankful when we saw the heartbeat during the ultrasound. Although the baby was so tiny I could literally see its little heart beating. Although this was really good news the doctor told us that the heart was beating slower than she would like to see and scheduled another ultrasound for a week later. When we went back this time, there was no heart beat; our baby had passed. I can't express how devastated I am over the loss of the baby. I will never know what it would have been like or who it w ould have become. But I do know that I love this baby with all my heart and I don't ever want it to be forgotten. The picture I have above is the sonogram from the first visit. It is the only picture I have of my baby and I wanted to share it with everyone. Although this has been one of the most tragic events of my life, it has shown me how lucky I am. It has brought me closer to my husband (who besides God has been my rock during all of this). He has taken up the slack when I literally could not pick myself up and he has been so patient with me no matter how upset I get. I am so thankful to God for giving me such a wonderful life, family, husband, and an amazing son that I truly don't deserve, but I also want to thank Him for giving me the oppportunity to carry this baby, I know that we will meet one day, but until that day I will love you from here.

An Angel Never Dies
Don’t let them say I wasn’t born, That something stopped my heart

I felt each tender squeeze you gave, I’ve loved you from the start.
Although my body you can’t hold It doesn’t mean I’m gone

This world was worthy, not of me God chose that I move on.
I know the pain that drowns your soul, What you are forced to face

You have my word, I’ll fill your arms, Someday we will embrace.
You’ll hear that it was meant to be, God doesn’t make mistakes

But that wont soften your worst blow, Or make your heart not ache.
I’m watching over all you do, Another child you’ll bear

Believe me when I say to you, That I am always there.
There will come a time, I promise you,When you will hold my hand,

Stroke my face and kiss my lips And then you’ll understand.
Although I’ve never breathed your air, Or gazed into your eyes

That doesn’t mean I never was, An Angel never dies.

-Author Unknown